When asked in a recent interview with Punch
how a woman can have a successful
marriage, actress Omotola said she doesn't
believe in gender equality and women should
understand that men are the heads of the
family. Omotola has been married for 18 years
so I think she qualifies to advise other women.
What she said below...
I don’t believe in gender equality. I do
not believe that God made man and
woman to be equal in any way. I believe
that in every organised institution, there
is always a head and an assistant. It
doesn’t mean that one should take the
other for granted, or disrespect the other.
I believe the husband is the head of the
home and the wife is an assistant. My
husband is a pilot, I have flown with him
several times and I understood that here
is a captain and a co-pilot. They are
both responsible for the passengers’
lives. But when there is a final decision
to make, it is up to the captain to make
it. He is more experienced and the one
with the responsibility. But any mature
captain will not ignore his co-pilot
because the co-pilot is not a cabin
attendant. He is there for a reason. It
just depends on how you understand
and play your roles. I believe women
should understand this. When a woman
starts a struggle for power tussle with
him, it tends to cause friction in the
home. The woman should give the man
the respect as the head of the home and
also prove herself as a worthy co-pilot.
He needs to see you as a reliable co-
pilot. Continue..
Sometimes, he may not be the one
running the house day-to-day, you are
the one to take decisions but you have
to do it in such a manner that he is
comfortable enough to see you as
someone he can rely on. When you have
a proud and egocentric husband, hand
him over to God. If you feel like your life
is being threatened, or that of your
children, get yourself out of that
situation. You owe your children that.
Try separation for a while, but before
that, you must have tried other things. I
do not believe that people should throw
in the towel in their marriage at every
flimsy excuse. You must have been a
diligent wife and tried prayers and
intervention. If all those fail, then you can
remove yourself from that situation.
Also, couples should be friends and
communicate. What we call love
sometimes fizzles out. True love comes
from friendship. When you don’t feel
those initial sparks, friendship is what
keeps you together, until when the spark
comes again.
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and
untouched. I decided to start with someone
who hadn’t seen the world yet.
Omotola: He was good looking but basically,
it was his sense of humour and sense of
responsibility. He is God-fearing too and a
serious-minded person.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when she
was 16 and I was 26. We got married when
she was 18. She clocked 36 recently. We were
family friends and I met her through my elder
sister. She used to come around the house
and when she turned 18, I decided she was
ripe. I told her I would marry her and she
didn’t believe. I went to tell her late mother,
who said I should wait till after four years
because Tola had just gained admission to
the university then. I told the mother that I
couldn’t wait because I didn’t trust the guys in
the university.
How did he propose?
Omotola: That was when I turned 18. We had
been friends for about two years. He was like
a family friend then but I knew he had some
plans. He didn’t say anything serious and I
was somehow underage. When I turned 18, on
my birthday, he jokingly said, ‘babes you don
grow o.’ He told me his plan.
Were you scared of getting married then?
Omotola: I wasn’t. I have always been very
mature for my age. But otherwise, I had
already known him for so long and was very
comfortable with him. I just knew that life with
him would be comfortable and easy. I didn’t
know I would conform to a marriage setting
because my mother used to tell me that I was
very headstrong. I just thank God that I found
someone who could understand me.
How has the journey been for 18 years?
Omotola: Nothing has changed really. It is still
the same relaxed, easy-going relationship.
There are times when we have
misunderstandings but it is never anything
serious or unbelievably scary. It has been the
grace and fear of God. Everything results in
what God thinks about the situations and we
pray about it. Everyone is conscious of the
fact that we must respect God in the
relationship and then your spouse. We don’t
just do things. Secondly, we are very
grounded and real. We try the best we can to
make everything natural. We don’t stress
ourselves.
How did you manage the fame?
Omotola: It is just by God’s grace. If a couple
cooperates with God, then He gives them the
grace to tolerate each other.
How do you react to alleged scandals about
your wife?
Matthew: I have heard and seen a lot that
were untrue about her. I trust her. I know they
will always write a lot of nonsense, why
should I bother myself?
How do you feel when she plays romantic
roles in movies?
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They are
not real and most of her movies are pecks and
not kisses. I told her not to cross that
boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful
marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are disciplined
and prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no other
strategy. One person can be perfect and the
second person can be nasty. On our part, I’d
say also that we don’t look at the relationship
as something we can walk away from. We
look at it as a life commitment. When you
parents upset you, you cannot divorce them.
Even the bible says you will leave your father
and your mother and cleave to your spouse.
Luckily, he doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse
me. I don’t have any major thing to complain
about, and I hope it is the same thing for him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is very
argumentative. She always wants to be right.
You can never win an argument with her. But
she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I usually
apologise first. He doesn’t say sorry.
Overtime, I have come to realise that it is an
ego problem. Even when he knows he is
wrong, he will rather do every other thing or
buy things for me than say, ‘I’m sorry.’
Fortunately, the ‘sorrys’ are not too many. He
is very responsible and more hardworking
than me. By God’s grace, we have been able
to understand our routine.
What is your advice to celebrity couples?
Matthew: Foundation really matters. Some
people get into the relationship for one wrong
motive or the other. Most of them live false
lives. Couples that are in the same profession
hardly last in a marriage. There is always
competition. The best thing is to marry
someone that is compatible with you.
What are the reasons for break up in celebrity
marriages?
Omotola: It is really hard but you both have to
feel extremely secure. You have to be
extremely confident and trust each other.
There are so many things to deal with,
especially in this environment where some
people just thrive in hurting other people. The
weird part is that you cannot believe that
people are capable of such wickedness. You
are sane and cannot believe other people are
insane. These are the things that cause break
up in celebrity marriages. A lot of people are
talking and saying nasty things that are not
true. It is just as if there is a gang up to break
you up once they know you are a celebrity or
in a relationship. Most times, they are all lies!
Celebrity lifestyle gossip is getting to a point
where they are getting close to your kids and
family. They try to put your relationship in
jeopardy. Then, petty things that wouldn’t
cause any problems become issues. I hope
there would be legislation that will protect
families.
Have you ever felt threatened by her success?
Matthew: There is no reason or room for it.
When I met her, she was just Omotola Jalade,
and she had done just one movie. I am happy
for her. When I met her, she was just getting
into the movie industry. I always encourage
her and hope for the best. I don’t feel
threatened in any way.
How do you switch from the lifestyle of a
celebrity to that of a wife?
Omotola: It is easy for me. It starts with who
you truly are. The real me is not very
glamorous. People may not believe it. I know
what people’s perception can be. I am a
homely person. If I had my way, I wouldn’t go
out. When I am at home, I am Omotola. When
I am with my close friends, we don’t impress
each other and we try to keep it very real.
With the children, who is stricter?
Matthew: She is. We are blessed with kids that
behave themselves. We do not have children
that are into all sort of funny things.
How about the recent warning to bloggers
about your daughter’s pictures?
Matthew: I do not know why they would do
that but it is just another lesson for the kids to
be very careful about what they put out there.
Actually, she did it with the intent of
exchanging with her friends, not knowing that
people will get into her private business. We
have told her to take down all the pictures and
leave only one.
How do you handle finance in your marriage?
Matthew: When we first started, we had one
account. We had goals and things that we
wanted to do. Whatever we earned had to be
in one purse. Then, we sat at the end of the
month and drew a budget. We did that for so
many years and were successful until she
started her own company and we decided she
needed to have her own account. In most
marriages, the man goes into the marriage
with the mindset that he will be the sole
provider even when the wife is working. That
does not make any sense. He uses his money
to pay bills while the woman will use hers to
buy only make-up, clothes and shoes. If the
couple is one, they should join resources
together to move ahead. Money causes
problems in a family when one person is being
selfish. It doesn’t matter who earns more or
less. They should have a common goal. Save
together and accomplish things together.
Omotola: When we first started, we used to
have a joint account and I was in charge of
the finances. But as time went on, he started
expanding. He has his own businesses and I
have my own too. It is very difficult keeping a
joint account. One of the things that scare
couples about finance is trust. Luckily for us,
we do not have vices. The trust is intact and I
know how he spends money. He is more
organised than I am. He has his budgets and
it is always open. Sometimes, he even tells his
kids to go and look at his budget because he
is trying to teach them how to make budgets.
Pilots are every meticulous about schedules.
For that reason, his life is almost boring
because everything is to the letter. I am the
one who never has a budget because I am a
spontaneous person. But he knows I am not a
trivial person. I don’t just go about buying
jewellery. That’s why I don’t have many
girlfriends because I don’t talk about those
things girls talk about. I am like a dude. I am
always checking out cars or properties. He
knows the kind of things I would invest my
money on.
